Why We Need Transparency in Marriage

When two people get married, they become united as one. And this unity will only be as strong as the mutual trust that the husband and wife share. And this trust is formed little by little as the couple are honest with each other and talk about the important details of life.

Transparency is a non-negotiable ingredient to a happy marriage. It can come in different forms: we can be transparent in the way we spend our money. We may also benefit from opening up to our spouse about past experiences, such as our past relationships, trauma, challenges, and victories.

For Daniel and myself, we made a commitment early on that we would never keep secrets from each other. This includes being open about how we feel, how we spend our resources, and our different friendships and relationships in daily life. The many marriage courses we’ve taught confirms the importance of this practice, where intimacy is seen as the direct result of unconditional transparency between the couple.

Sometimes, we may not intend to, but we end up disappointing our spouse simply because we committed to too much. Let’s be realistic about what we can or cannot commit to.
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4 Benefits of Being Transparent with our Partner

In this post, we hope to share some of the benefits of intentionally pursuing transparency with our spouse:

1. It helps build trust over time.

Clearly, one of the most important results of honestly sharing things with our spouse is that it builds trust. Admittedly, it doesn’t happen overnight, but think of it as a process that builds up over time, much like the way a tree grows from a tiny sapling into a mighty oak.

When you and your spouse are open about the things that you spend your money on, or who you were with during the day, it can help the both of you learn to trust each other. There’s some truth in what the Bible says, “He who is faithful with a little can be entrusted with much.”

2. It provides accountability.

When we are open with our spouse about everything, but especially things we struggle in, it gives us automatic accountability, someone who can help keep us on track. For example, experts have shown that people who successfully shed excess weight—and keep it off!—are those who did it with an accountability partner.

In marriage, if you struggle with, say, pornography or being obese, involving your partner in your fight against these can improve your chances of success. Or, if you had an abusive relationship in the past, sharing this with your spouse can help provide a sense of protection, such as when you wind up meeting that ex somewhere.

On the other side of the equation, also learn to acknowledge and accept how your spouse feels without criticising. After all, feelings are neutral: they are neither right nor wrong.

3. It cultivates intimacy.

Closeness with another person is another thing that takes time to build, and we cultivate this through shared experiences. Even if we’re not with our spouse 24 hours a day, when we happily and openly talk about the things we’ve gone through, it helps us to strengthen our connection.

4. It safeguards our marriage against outside temptations.

One of the greatest strengths of extramarital affairs is the secrecy; perhaps that’s why the most common emotion that the spouse who was cheated on feels is that of betrayal. But do you know that hiding the affair is only the later leg of a chain of lying and keeping things from one’s husband or wife?

It might start with an innocent-enough friendship with someone, but slowly, the offending party might begin to keep little details of late-night texts or meetups. It can build up over time to a full-blown affair—which may have been avoided if things had remained open between the couple.

When you develop a habit of honesty and transparency between you and your spouse, you create a safety net against the temptation of an affair.

Staying Open with Our Spouse

Committing to stay honest with our spouse is a lifelong journey. But it’s one that reaps clear benefits. We encourage you to be intentional with sharing your experiences, thoughts, and feelings with your partner on a regular basis!

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