Loving Someone With a Gifts Love Language

When someone tells us they like it when their spouse gives them flowers, chocolate or jewelry, we tend to think of them as a hopeless romantic, or worse yet, materialistic. But when Gary Chapman identified gifts as one of his five love languages, it definitely did not have to do with consumerism as it did with a preference for tangible expressions of love.

Edgar and Anna* (names changed to protect privacy) are usually a happy couple. But one cause of tension between them is that they are both aware that Anna feels most loved when she receives a gift, but Edgar is not the type of person who loves to give gifts; in fact, he usually sees buying presents as overrated and contradictory to his savings plans!

Once, when their anniversary rolled around during a time of intense quarreling, Edgar pushed his convictions to the back burner and surprised Anna with flowers at their breakfast buffet during a hotel staycation. It brought the sparkle back in Anna’s eyes, and he resolved to be more intentional at meeting her need for meaningful trinkets.

    
 The way you present the gift must be meaningful, and your spouse needs to know that you were thinking about him or her. What counts is the thoughtfulness behind that gift. 
    
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How to Express Love Using Gifts

If your spouse feels most loved when you give a tangible gift, here are some tips you need to bear in mind:

1. Gifts people appreciate well thought-out presents, not random knick-knacks.

A common misconception about people whose top love language is gifts is that you can get them any old thing and they’ll be happy. The truth is, these individuals feel loved when you give them something that speaks to their hearts.

This means that it’s not as easy as simply having money to buy trinkets! You will have to put a little bit of thought into the gifts. To do that, check out Tip #2.

2. Consider your spouse’s hobbies and interests.

One of the best ways to find a gift idea is to think about the things that your partner enjoys doing. Does she love creating things with her hands? Craft supplies may be a good choice. Does he love concocting new dishes in the kitchen, or riding his bike? Perhaps something he can use to pursue those hobbies can work.

3. Look into shared experiences for sentimental gifts.

Another idea is to walk down memory lane and find things that you both enjoyed together. Gifts related to these shared experiences can make for great presents for your spouse, because it tells them that you valued that time you spent together.

4. Communicate the meaning.

When giving a gift to your spouse with a gifts love language, make sure you explain why you chose that gift. For example, it can be, “When I saw this item, I thought of you.” The way you present the gift must be meaningful, and your spouse needs to know that you were thinking about him or her. What counts is the thoughtfulness behind that gift.

5. It doesn’t have to be expensive.

The spouses of people who feel loved through gifts are sometimes tempted to think that it’s always a burden on the finances. The key to remember is that these presents don’t need to be expensive. The important thing is that they speak to your partner’s needs or desires.

(Of course, it would be a good idea to include an amount in the monthly budget to cover these little items, just to make sure you don’t get caught in a tight spot! After all, money is one of the most common causes of conflict between couples!)

6. Don’t wait for a special occasion.

The challenge for spouses whose love language is gifts is when we are used to giving presents only for special occasions. If you do that, you end up starving their love tank!

Our suggestion is to make it a regular thing. If you’re not yet used to buying presents here and there, you may want to set an alarm on your phone. Alternatively, you may also want to make a habit of picking up little items and keeping them someplace away from your spouse’s eyes, so you can take them out and gift them every so often.

7. Only give practical-use gifts if your spouse appreciates them.

Some of us love buying items for practical use around the house. If your spouse expressly asks for these things and appreciates them as gifts, go for it! But many times, our spouse may not consider these “family needs” as actual presents, so think of these more as household expenses and continue to be on the lookout for little gifts to make them feel loved.

Giving Gifts As an Act of Love

Perhaps a good way to think of giving our spouse gifts is as an expression of love. Which gifts do you think would speak the most of how you feel towards your partner? These will be the best choice to give as a present all across the year to make your spouse feel appreciated and loved.

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