Can’t We Just Get Along?! Book Launch

I lay in the dark, my heart pounding, knowing that within seconds Daniel would come in after me. I hoped the darkness would deter him from forcing me to talk. I hate it when he does that. But every time we have a fight, he would always insist on talking right away! Why can’t he just leave me alone?

Ugh. And I really hate it when we have these fights! Why can’t we just get along?

I could hear his agitated voice muffled against the door—or was it just me who couldn’t decipher what he was saying in the midst of all the turmoil in my head? My blood seemed to be pounding on my temples.

I turned to my side and squeezed my pillow over my face—just in time to hear him swing the door open, demanding to know this and that. I just didn’t have it it me to talk right now, and I knew that if I only stayed still for ten minutes, maybe longer, and pretend to be asleep, he would finally give up.

And yes, it works, just like always. By the time I open my eyes the next morning, we would have both calmed down a bit, and possibly even forgotten what had caused the fight the night before.

As I bottle up all my emotions, there would be a tipping point: suddenly I would get very very upset, but it’s already gotten so tangled up that neither of us could guess what exactly is the problem. 
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How We Respond to Conflict

That’s the way I almost always used to react to any conflict with my husband. Between the two of us, he’s the one who always wants to talk it over, right here, right now. For me, the more he pushes me to resolve it, the more I retreat—to sleep!

They say that everyone has one of either three responses to negative situations: fight, flight, or freeze. Daniel “fights,” always wanting to resolve things as soon as possible. I don’t “freeze,” exactly, but it’s like I prefer to sweep things under the rug, playing it down, like it’s not that important anyway.

As a result, there are things that I’m not happy about, but I don’t ever talk about them. And in the back of my mind, there’s always this nagging feeling that I’ll never get what I want; there’s always a reason that Daniel can come up with why I shouldn’t feel that way. Unbeknownst to me, all these thoughts are creating resentment inside.

As I bottle up all my emotions, there would be a tipping point: suddenly I would get very very upset, but it’s already gotten so tangled up that Daniel could never guess what exactly is the problem. Sometimes, even I myself won’t be able to know what’s going on inside me! There’s a lot of build-up, repression, so I can’t express what’s wrong, maybe something just triggers it. When it blows up, you can’t pinpoint the real issue. But note this, it has become a real issue, and then I would repeat my negative pattern of running away to sleep, and the cycle continues.

Can you relate?

We know. Through our decades of marriage, we’ve also had our share of squabbles, and quarrels, and all-out war. We’ve argued over serious things like major money decisions, or over misunderstandings about how we deal with our kids, but also over seemingly trivial matters like how Daniel the bathroom door after taking a hot shower—and sending steam right into my face when it’s my turn to use the bathroom!

Perhaps one thing we want to say is: no conflict is too trivial to want to resolve, but that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh about it afterwards.

How we wish we could’ve learned early on how to deal with those issues! We could’ve been spared so much heartache!

Since then we have been able to add crucial communication tools to our arsenal, and we can say it has helped make things a bit easier. Nope, we haven’t gotten rid of all conflict—and we probably don’t want to, as you can see later in the book!—but we’re now better equipped to deal with it when—not if!—it comes. Yes, conflict will surely come, but we want to equip you, too, to be able to manage it well and come out better on the other side.

This is why you’re holding this book in your hand. It’s our wish that it can help you navigate the choppy waters that assail all marriage relationships, while also giving you the hope of a brighter tomorrow when the storm blows over and the sun shines down on your beautiful relationship.

Oh, and yes, you get a front-row seat to some of these stories in this book! We hope that as we share some of our stories—anecdotes, some of them probably are, if you will—you will also be encouraged to know that you’re not alone in the journey.

So join us for the ride. It’s sure to be exciting, sometimes terrifying, but ultimately rewarding.

Can’t We Just Get Along Book Launch

We are happy to share the above excerpt from our newly-launched book, Can’t We Just Get Along?! available as a Kindle book or on paperback on Amazon. We hope it can help you and your spouse resolve some of your differences, and do reach out to us to share your feedback!

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