Bringing Our Unique Lifeprint Into Marriage 

We know that no two persons are the same: the mere fact that we each have our individual fingerprint is a sign that we are created to be unique. Even twins who grow up under the same family environment and go through the same schools will have distinct personalities. We like to call this uniqueness our “Lifeprint.” 

When we get married, we come to live with another person who has different strengths and capabilities than we do. Through time, you find out what you and your spouse are naturally good at, and what things you struggle with. Knowing our Lifeprint will enable us to bring our best selves into the union, which will also spill over into our families. 

For example, in our case, Joy is the one who loves to cook and plan for our household. Whenever she’s away, my action plan for our meals would be to eat out or order food! But do you know that cooking is not a natural gifting, but rather a skill that can be learned and developed? We will talk about it a bit more in the tips below. 

It’s important that we learn to recognise the difference between something that we are, i.e. our identity, and something that we can do, i.e. our capability. 
  
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Top 5 Tips for Using Our Uniqueness In Our Marriage 

In this post, we hope to share some best practices about how we can use our identity and capability to bring the best into our marriage.

1. Differentiate between identity and ability. 

It’s important that we learn to recognise the difference between something that we are, i.e. our identity, and something that we can do, i.e. our capability. 

Joy likes to give this example: when she first asked me to learn to cook, I automatically said, “Oh, that’s just not me.” But the truth is, cooking is not an identity thing; it’s a capability thing. I may not be a chef, but cooking is a skill that I can acquire. She wasn’t asking me to be a chef, but simply to learn the physical task of cooking.

2. Discover what you and your spouse are naturally good at.

While some things are skills that you can learn and improve in, other areas can be things that you are naturally good at. 

For example, envisioning things and imagining what the future can look like are two things that come naturally to me—and which I enjoy immensely. But when someone asks me to teach something, I can only say, “I’ll do my best.” I know that it may not be up to other people’s standards, but I can only pour out the best that I can do. 

3. Find skill areas that you can grow in. 

As mentioned earlier, cooking is one example of a skill area that we can grow in. A lot of times, we may have our natural inclinations in certain areas, but learning and practice can help improve upon it. 

For example, we might have our natural tendencies when it comes to communication styles; but we can still grow in communication skills by learning healthy ways of communicating and practicing them regularly. 

4. In conflict, distinguish between the action and the person. 

When something our spouse does hurts us, we need to understand the difference between the action that hurt us, and the person himself. 

What does this look like? If our spouse hurt us because he lied to us, we can deal with the issue by saying, “I feel hurt because you lied to me.” Look how different that is from saying, “You’re a liar!” We focus on the action, and don’t use it to label a person’s identity. 

5. Practice appreciating each other’s uniqueness. 

Once we discover each other’s unique strengths, learning to appreciate them verbally can help us remain conscious of these talents. Plus, verbally talking about your strengths can also help you decide which tasks each of you performs in the marriage and in the family. This helps us intentionally use them to the best of our relationship. 

Using Our Uniqueness for Marriage 

It’s important to use our unique strengths, talents, and capabilities for the best of our marriage relationship. Spend time discovering them and dedicating time to improve upon them, and you will be adding value to your spouse, children, and the people you meet. 

Remember, we all have the potential to make a positive impact, and when we discover what we are created to do best, we can use this to help make others’ lives a lot better! 

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