7 Advantages of Premarital Counseling

You’ve been dating for a while, and you decide it’s finally time to tie the knot. Then come all the marriage preparations: finding the venue, deciding on the guest list, and for Singaporeans, checking out all your housing options! With all these going on, there doesn’t seem any time left for undergoing premarital counseling. Do you really need it?

Daniel and I dated for a few years before we got married. During that time, premarital counseling wasn’t really a common thing to do. We were able to go through a simple version of it, and not as comprehensive as we later saw on newer courses. Many years later, when we started coaching couples, we also did premarital counseling classes. Looking at the lessons and topics explored, we couldn’t help envying all these other couples whom we felt were starting their marriage off on better footing than we did!

When you undergo premarital counseling, you get to look through some of the most common causes of conflict among married couples and learn how to deal with them before they happen. This is a perfect example of prevention being better than cure.  
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7 Key Benefits of Premarital Counseling

Why do we say that? Here are what we believe the top 7 benefits of undergoing premarital counseling:

1. It helps you learn healthy communication skills.

Premarital counseling teaches you important skills of communicating with each other. Remember, even though you’ve been dating and feel like you can talk well with each other, marriage can bring with it a whole set of challenges. It’s good to be established in healthy ways of communicating.

For example, if during your dating season you’re used to giving each other the cold shoulder for days before making up, when you live together, that will be excruciating to tolerate. This way, you can already start acquiring healthier ways of dealing with conflict before they happen.

2. It lets you avoid or prepare for some potential causes of future conflict.

When you undergo premarital counseling, you get to look through some of the most common causes of conflict among married couples. Then, you also learn how to deal with them before they happen. This is a perfect example of prevention being better than cure.

For example, in one of the premarital courses we’ve taught over the years, couples learn how to set a family budget. This helps newly married couples start their financial life on strong ground, avoiding many of the pitfalls of money quarrels.

3. It allows you to set boundaries early.

Another area that premarital counseling helps you look at is how we deal with our own families, friends, and other relationships.

One of the main principles we hold for marriage is that the marriage relationship takes precedence over all other relationships, even over our own parents. When we get to discuss this with our partners before we say “I do,” we are able to set boundaries on how we treat our own parents and siblings after the wedding.

For Asian families, this can be a thin line and something tricky to navigate. Many Asian couples either continue living under their parents’ roof, or under their psychological roof, where one or both of the married couple are still greatly influenced by their parents’ opinion. This can–and does!–cause a lot of tension in the marriage! Being able to set boundaries early can help prevent many issues later on.

4. It helps you define your roles as husband and wife.

When two people get married, they essentially become one unit. But the husband and wife, though equal in importance, each have unique roles to play. Undergoing premarital counseling helps you understand these roles so that you avoid much confusion.

5. You can get to know each other’s values.

Now, hopefully you’ve already discovered what your partner values most in life through the time you’ve dated. Premarital counseling helps you be more intentional at discussing the things that are important to you.

This is crucial, because your values tend to define your decisions. When you get married, it’s inevitable that sometimes you may have a clashing of values that you individually hold near. It helps when you go into marriage already knowing what things are non-negotiable for your partner.

6. You learn important details about each other’s past.

Although premarital counseling does not guarantee you knowing everything about your partner’s past, or you may already have known them through your conversations, it helps you be focused in finding out past experiences that affect who you are now. For example, childhood experiences, including adverse or traumatic ones, can have a serious bearing on how each of you acts. When you get to talk about these in a safe and relaxed atmosphere, you can work towards understanding each other better.

7. It can confirm or discourage your decision to get married.

Perhaps one of the less talked-about benefits of premarital counseling–but which is probably one of the most important!–is that it can help you confirm whether or not the decision to get married is the right choice!

Of course, it can be sad if, after the counseling sessions, you realize that you just have too many differences for marriage to work. But it can spare you so much heartache and a possible divorce down the road!

How Premarital Counseling Helps

All that said, premarital counseling is intended to help you set strong foundations for your married life. We believe it can be a good push in the right direction, especially as you set a culture of mutual learning and growth. If you would like to know about our premarital counseling services, feel free to get in touch with us through our Contact Form!

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