5 Ways to Improve Your Intimacy in Marriage

When you hear the word intimacy in the context of marriage, it’s easy to think it only means physical intimacy. But do you know that married couples can be intimate in more ways than one?

For example, my love language is acts of service. It means that I feel most loved when someone I care about does something for me. Some people find it strange when I say that Daniel looks most attractive to me when I find him in the kitchen, washing the dishes after my baking spree!

On the other hand, Daniel feels most connected with me when we spend even just half an hour talking about just about anything over a cup of tea, or when I tag along on one of his bookstore trips. That’s even if we don’t really talk during the time he’s prowling the shelves, and I’m over on the cookbook aisle finding the next dessert I’d like to make!

All that to say, there are different ways of improving our connection with our spouse. In this post, we hope to share our favourite five tips!

Discover each other’s primary love language, and make it a point to express your love in a way that your partner will most easily receive.
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5 Different Ways to Connect Better With Your Spouse

Check out this list of 5 ways to improve your intimacy with your spouse:

1. Talk about how you feel.

I hear all the men (and some women) groan at this point. Talk about feelings? That sounds so silly and childish! But wait, hear me out. I’m not talking about analysing feelings to bits (like we probably all did when we were teenagers?).

When we get into a conflict with our spouse, let’s practice learning how to express how we feel, instead of pointing fingers. For example, instead of saying, “You lah, you always do this and this and this,” why not try saying, “You know, dear, when you do this, I feel hurt.”

Yes, feelings aren’t easy to talk about, but the more you and your spouse practice it, the more you both will understand each other’s point of view. You can start with the basic emotions (sad, angry, afraid, pressured, guilty) and go from there.

2. Learn each other’s love languages and speak it.

In the story I gave above, I talked about my love language being acts of service and Daniel’s being quality time. These are terms coined by Gary Chapman, author of the book, The Five Love Languages. The premise is that we don’t all feel loved the same way: some of us feel most loved when we hear someone give us words of affirmation, some through getting quality time, others through gifts, touch, or, like me, acts of service.

Take some time to talk with each other about what makes you feel most loved. Then, when you discover each other’s primary love language, make it a point to express your love in a way that your partner will most easily receive. That way, you can be sure that you can let your spouse feel loved everyday!

3. Set aside time for physical intimacy.

Yes, we can’t discount that physical intimacy is an important part of connection in marriage. The problem is that we can get so busy with all our other responsibilities that it gets pushed to the sidelines.

One way of making sure we don’t shortchange our spouse in this area is to be intentional about it. Sure, it’s nice to think of sex as being a spontaneous adventure, but if you don’t set aside time for it, the busier you get, the more chances that you’ll be too tired to think about it!

4. Continue getting to know each other.

Many couples find themselves unconsciously drifting apart over the years. Sadly, this is one reason why some people turn to affairs.


Remember how curious you were about each other when you were still dating? No matter how many years you’ve been married, your spouse can still be a treasure trove, if you only know how to dig. To give you ideas, check out our free conversation starters e-book, and get to know each other all over again.

5. Pursue a shared dream together.

One of the best ways to get connected better with your spouse is to pursue a shared dream together. It can be a short-term project or a new business for the long-haul. The important thing is that you start talking about your dreams, goals, ambitions, and find a common thing that you can both work on together.

It doesn’t have to be big, especially if you’re both also tied up with other commitments. But the added time spent together can be a big boost for getting to know each other—even if it means getting into arguments in the process!

Improve Your Marriage Through Connection

We hope that these tips can help you improve your marriage relationship by getting you connected in more ways than one. If you would like more help, we encourage you to get some of our free resources, or our e-book, Why Can’t We Just Get Along?!

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