5 Warning Signs to Rethink Getting Married 

Getting married is a beautiful thing, and surely, once you’ve made (or received) a proposal, all you can think of is planning for the wedding day. But, hopefully, before even that proposal is made, you take a good, objective look at the prospect of marriage and your potential spouse.

Daniel and I have counseled many single people in a committed relationship who were considering getting married. Some of them went on to tie the knot, while others ended up rethinking their plans. But that’s not to say it’s not a happy ending; in fact, it’s so much better to break up with someone when marriage to them is not the best choice than to keep plowing on with no thought to the consequences!

In this post, we hope to share important insight both into your life and into your potential mate’s, to see whether marriage is a good idea at this point in time. An important disclaimer: this post is for those who aren’t married yet and are thinking about getting hitched. This does not apply to couples who are already married! We believe that once you’re actually married, it’s our goal to work things out as much as possible. 

It’s so much better to break up with someone when marriage to them is not the best choice, than to keep plowing on with no thought to the consequences!
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5 Warning Bells To Pause Saying “I Do” 

But, if you’re at the stage when you and your boyfriend or girlfriend are considering getting married, here are some important things to pay attention to: 

1. If either one or both of you can’t hold down a stable job or business

Now, we agree that money isn’t everything, but money really is a necessity for daily life. Unless you live on a farm where your food and water are all free and you run on solar power, chances are, you will have bills to pay on a monthly basis.

If you or your potential mate have trouble keeping a job, it can be a warning sign for future money troubles. It may not be a real deal-breaker, because there can be a number of reasons why some of us can’t stay put in one job. The key here is to take this as a warning and start discussions to understand why that’s the case. If it’s a recurring pattern and not just a one-off thing, it can be a signal of a difficulty to commit to something in the long-term.

2. If either one or both of you have unresolved issues with rage and physical violence

Domestic violence is never a thing to turn a blind eye to, and before you get married, it’s important that you get some insight into your partner’s way of dealing with anger. If, while you’re dating, you already see glimpses of an unresolved anger issue, marriage won’t solve that. If anything, it might even worsen it!

But that’s not to say that people with anger issues have no hope. The key is that you get help as soon as possible, and preferably before you tie the knot; that way, the person struggling with it will at least be equipped with the necessary skills and keep from harming his partner after the marriage vows are said.

3. If either one or both of you can’t talk about money

Finances is one of the top reasons why many marriages break down. While you’re dating, check if you and your partner can discuss money: your income, your expenses, your savings and investments. Sometimes, people can feel that it’s a private area and they’d rather not talk about it. But if you’re looking into marrying someone, this should be something that you can talk about openly and freely.

4. If you don’t share core values

They say that opposites attract. But when it comes to marriage, you need to have at least a common set of core values, or it can cause much trouble down the lane.

For example, what would you do if you held honesty and integrity as a crucial trait, and your potential spouse just laughs it off and thinks you’re being old-fashioned—and then lies left and right about everything?

Our core values come up even while we’re dating. Some couples do well with actually sitting down and writing down what each of them believe strongly in. Do whatever it takes to check.

5. If you don’t agree on your goals for family

Related to your core values will be what you both envision for your future family. Of course, this can change over time, but if at this point, you have totally opposing goals, take it as a serious warning sign.

For example, if one of you wants four kids and the other wants none, that can be a problem. Start to discuss why this is so, and see if you can live with what your partner wants. Although we believe that people can change, don’t count too much on changing her or her mind. Instead, try to understand what’s the reasoning behind your and your partner’s goals. If it seems to be something you can work on, go ahead. If not, do reconsider your plans.

Getting Married with Eyes Wide Open

They say that love is blind, and marriage is the eye-opener. But our challenge to you is to go into marriage already with your eyes wide open so you don’t get the shock of your life when your married life is not what you envisioned it to be!

We hope this list of warning signs can help you make a better-informed decision about finally getting hitched. And if it tells you to put a hold on it? Don’t despair. It’s always better safe than sorry, right?

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